OTHER PROJECTS

The NEW Book

Working title: Panda Commander : Tales from the Sharp End of the Fuzz

The full draft is currently vying for the attention of agents. The synopsis of the book reads:

This is the true tale of 12 months in the life of a police 999 response officer.

In police circles, a ‘Panda Commander’ is the name given to a newly qualified police driver – a quip referring to the fact that a relatively new police constable is in charge of just himself and his means of transport – a panda car.

At the age of forty, John Donoghue was a successful businessman – but bored. A former Commissioned Officer in the Armed Forces, his life had now become a succession of budgets and financial reports. As the rest of the world celebrated the arrival of the twenty-first century, he realised he was stuck in a job he hated. Something radical was desperately needed to kick-start his life again. His novel solution? Hand back his expense account and company car and join the police!

He might have been the oldest in the new intake of prospective constables, but already, despite looking like a hound, he was starting to feel like a pup again.

After successfully passing out and following the requisite two years pounding the beat, PC Donoghue took the month long police driving course and officially became a Panda Commander, posted to the town of Sandford. That isn’t its real name of course – names have been changed to protect the guilty – but it’s a typical town in middle England, with a busy urban heart and a smattering of outlying rural villages.

Told over twenty one chapters, and told in the first person, Panda Commander chronicles John’s first year at Sandford – the experiences, escapades and anecdotes – along with those of his colleagues on his shift - whose core role is to be first response to any incident reported to the police, however bizarre that incident might turn out to be.

From the blue light runs through to arresting porn stars, from drug raids to sudden deaths, and from investigations to indiscreet confessions; ‘Panda Commander’ shines a Maglite on the inside story of the boys and girls in blue, giving unique ‘behind the scenes’ access to a very different world. These twelve months feature episodes as diverse as moonlight searches for Dracula’s tomb, meeting the naughtiest dog in the world, a lycra clad egg on legs, fighting with the abominable snowman and taking dead men’s shoes.

Told with humour and wit, and peppered with intriguing asides, this is predominantly a funny, yet also a thought provoking book.
Shattering the myth that police officers don’t have a sense of humour – these stories prove that it’s actually an essential requirement for the job!

These are the true tales from the Sharp End of The Fuzz – this is what happens when you are a Panda Commander.



I'll keep you updated - watch this space!

Music

'Non Barking Dog' is the excellent 2009 release by the Canadian group 'Too Many Sisters' - the CD taking it's name from a phrase that Stephen Stanley (the lead singer) saw used in my book.

Basically, when you don't get the reaction to an event that you would normally expect to get, in police investiagtion terms, that is highlighted as 'a non barking dog'.

Stephen Stanley thought that the phrase perfectly reflected what he was trying to achieve with his music, and the rest, as they say, is history.

More info about the group at:

web link for 'Too Many Sisters'

Too Many Sisters perform an acoustic version of 'When I get my confidence back'

This year is also the anniversary of the release of the excellent album 'Shakespeare My Butt!' by The Lowest Of the Low.

At the time of its release, the album briefly became the best-selling independent release in Canadian history. It's melodic, jangly folk-punk has made it an enduring classic of Canadian music.

Stephen Stanley and Ron Hawkins's songs were filled with lyrics about Marxism and the Spanish Civil War, but also contained many references to Toronto landmarks. My book took its name from the album - partly as a tribute and as my book contained references to all sorts of obscure landmarks.

Anyway, I've been asked to write liner notes for the re-release. Again, as they say, watch this space.

A cute, if not slightly mad, girl doing a pretty good cover of 'Rosy and Grey' from the original CD

Magic

I also do the occasional magic show for charity (or to try and forlornly impress nice ladies). It's close up magic ...the type that happens right there in your hand and so you can't deny it impossibility ...or something like that. Drop me a line if you want to know more

John@marsupialelvis.co.uk